Getting the Twins to go to Sleep on their Own
"Crucially, this entire routine can, if necessary, be performed by one person. And whilst end to end it probably takes an hour, this is pretty consistent which helps with planning and feeling less like we are rolling the dice every night"
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1. Putting the twins to bed at 20 months still required both of us, as we needed to feed them and get them settled in seperate rooms so they didnt distract each other.
2.We wanted them to go to bed in a more independent way, and practically needed to find a way that woked if just one of us was home. We bit the bullet and tried another approach.
3. The routine below took a few days to settle in terms of the twins not grizzling a little when we left the room, or jsut before they went to sleep, but in general it was a surprisingly smooth transition that only took a few days.
4.The new routine is as follows, and crucially can be done with just on parent if necessary:
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We feed the twins one bottle (around 300ml) downstairs in their playroom whilst reading them stories.
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We change their nappies and clean their face, hands and teeth/bathe them.
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We take them into their bedroom and feed them another bottle.
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One adult leaves, then around 5 to 10 minutes later, the second adult leaves.
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We then leave them on their own, and sooner or later they will both drop off to sleep, usually within 30 minutes of us leaving, hooray!
(TG = Twin Girl, TB = Twin Boy)
Note - if you are after a more comprehensive article on all things sleep related before we started trying to get the twins to go to bed independently, then check out the sleep article.
Around the 20 month mark, we were still feeding the twins in separate rooms, TB in his bed, and then TG in another room so they didn't disturb each other. We would then very gingerly bring her into their bedroom after TB had gone to sleep, and she was asleep or very drowsy, sometimes an hour or more later! Whilst we weren't feeding them to sleep, the bottle feed was definitely a sleep anchor and we were worried about trying to get them down without a feed.
This meant that bedtimes took both of us, and for TG especially, could be a long slog. They also felt like the least independent part of the twins day, and while we both loved the time with them, we also knew that we needed to make the bedtime routine something that just one of us could do if necessary.
So, we decided to bite the bullet and give a new bedtime routine a go, here is what the bedtime routine now looks like:
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We feed the twins one bottle (around 300ml) downstairs in their playroom whilst reading them stories.
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We change their nappies and clean their face, hands and teeth/bathe them.
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We take them into their bedroom and feed them another bottle (they usually drink around 150ml).
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One adult leaves, then around 5 to 10 minutes later, the second adult leaves.
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We then leave them on their own, and sooner or later they will both drop off to sleep, usually within 30 minutes of us leaving, hooray!
Story time while they drink - the dream!
A typical bedtime wind down!
What went well?
Crucially, this entire routine can, if necessary, be performed by one person. And whilst end to end it probably takes an hour, this is pretty consistent which helps with planning and feeling less like we are rolling the dice every night. We are still getting back the time that they are in their room alone, when typically before someone would still be sat wating for TG to doze off.
Whilst the second bottle feed is still in their bedroom and can initially be nice and cosy, usually the second half at least is drank while they are running around the room jumping on each other/us, which feels very separate form them going to sleep later on their own.
They also sometimes go to sleep in the same bed, whilst long term I am not sure this is a good thing, for now it is super cute. They also quite often get themselves up later and make their way back to their own bed, and have stopped squabbling (and therefore waking us up) when they do wake up near each other, which is great progress as I am sure as long as they share a room, there will be some bed hopping going on!
When we leave, we make sure to give them some warning a few minutes before, and then when we go, we give big hugs and kisses. I can see this really reassuring them to the point where quite often after the initial warning, they both start saying and waving "bye" to whoever is leaving. I love the confidence this displays but feel a little sad they are growing up already!
What was hard and what would we do differently?
The initial few days did involve a little grizzling - when the last adult left the room, or sometimes just before they were about to go to sleep, they would open the door and stand at the stair gate (we have this on the bedroom door as they can open the actual door now!) crying. If it went on for more than a couple of minutes one of us would go and reassure them, and if necessary go in and get them in bed and to sleep (quite often one of them was already asleep, which made things simpler). After about 3/4 days this pretty much stopped. There is still the odd squabble or grizzle but these come and go very quickly, and are no longer impacting them getting to sleep.
The twins are getting to bed slightly later (certainly TB, who often has TG jumping on his head to keep him awake!), but this doesn't seem to have impacted mood, and perhaps is helping them sleep in slightly longer in the morning, although tis hard to tell as we have just been through a very bad period of teething, with the twins waking up very early in pain ☹️
The reason we fed them separately in the first place was because they distracted each other and went a bit crazy - this still happens! It is fairly cute, and we all have a bit of fun and smiles, although it can be a bit tiring at the end of a long day! We have just learnt to go with this as part of their winddown. Occasionally we need to go back into the room once they are asleep and tidy up if they have been throwing their toys around or playing with the curtains. It is interesting that when they go to sleep independently, they seem to be in a much deeper sleep, so doing this isn't that nerve wracking.
UPDATE - After a few weeks of using this approach, we finally got around to ordering blackout blinds. Not only have these made a difference to how often the twins sleep through (we are in another, hopefully permanent, good sleeping spell!) but they have also made a huge difference to how calm the twins are when we take them into their room for bed. They quite happily lie down for their final feed and are keen to get to sleep, sometimes even before we leave! We are kicking ourselves for not sorting these out sooner!
Its spring currently and quite warm, so they still don't usually sleep under their duvets (although they know how to get under them now), and often have their bedroom door wide open. Once winter comes we will need them to get under their covers, and ideally keep the door closed. If progress continues at the current rate, I hope that neither should be an issue.